THE BOSS

Henericks examined the document on his desk. It was a progress report for the last quarter. His company's latest product had been a major hit. Consumers had greedily began clearing store shelves to get every last unit. Henricks had been the project head and was thankful that all of his hard work had payed off. He was proud of his team and knew that he had done his company proud.

Suddenly a red light on the side of his cubical lit up. His eyes went wide. This light meant only one thing, the boss wanted to see him. Henricks became instantly flustered. The boss had only called him in twice before. Once when he first joined the company and once to ream him out. Quickly he grabbed the progress report, his project folder, and his stapler. He rushed out of his cubical returned a moment later to put back the stapler which, he realized to be completely pointless to bring to a meeting with the boss. Then he rushed to the large oak door at the far side of the office. In the uppish middle portion of the door the was a plack that read: 'Mr. Fogen.'

Henricks knocked on the door and waited. Silence greeted him. He knocked again. The silence was so loud it deafened him. Hesitantly he turned the doornob and opened the door a crack. Then he opened it wider until he could fit his entire head in. He saw Mr. Fogen sitting behind a large mahogeny desk tapping away on a keyboard.

"Excuse me Mr. Fogen," said Henricks as he slowly entered the room. "You signaled for me to come to see you?"

Mr. Fogen looked up at Henricks and smiled.

"Ahhhh," sighed Mr. Fogen. "Daw da DA! Da da ooooh!"

In the year 2012 it was determined that the complex interworkings of big corporations were too important to be trusted in the hands on adults who are so easily corrupted. Adults become self-focused as they attepmt to spur forth their own careers. It is that selfish motivation that can bring down a prosperous company.

Instead it was decided that infants would be better suited for the task. With their lack of experience or cognitive abilities it was decided by government officials that they were the most reliable source of leadership. Each infant was given a computer to use and it was the random key-strokes (or mashings) that were used to make important decisions within major companies all over the world.

Of course there were capable men and women working under these babies who were able to carry out complex activities and make minor decisions about products and distribution. But the major decisions were made by the infants. A complex computer program translated the button pressing into instructions that were then passed out to employees. The timing and forcefullness of the key-strokes determine the kind of instruction that will be sent. The pattern of key-strokes determine the specifics of the instructions.

Mr. Fogen was a blond, green-eyed baby with only three teeth and an appreciation for animal crackers. He mashed several keys on his key-board, smiled at Henricks and said "Eee-nahh!"
Henricks smiled uncertainly. A digital display on the front of Mr. Fogen's desk scrolled the words: "Research... faster... chips..."

"But Sir, we have the fastes chips on the market, why would we want to beat our own product? Wouldn't it make more sense to wait until another company tries to improve their chips? I mean, we'd just be competing with ourselves."

Mr. Fogen ran his hands across the keyboard. More words scrolled across the display.

"Market... good... invest... now..."

"Invest in what sir? Our company doesn't deal in stocks?"

"Red... robots..."

"Red robots? That doesn't make any sense. The only company that makes robots is Bot Corp and they're practically going bankrupt. You want us to invest in them?"

"Dissolving... cups..."

"Disolving cups?" Henericks became furiously frustrated. "Sir I'm going to be honest with you. This doesn't make a lick of sense. And I'm pretty certain that you're not making real decisions at all! I think it's entierly random and that if I were to stick a chimpanzee behind that desk there we'd be getting the same kinds of results!"

Mr. Fogen krinkled up his nose, furrowed his brow, and began to cry.

"No, no, no. Don't cry Mr. Fogen. I'm sorry. I've just been under a lot of stress lately. That's all. I'll get right on that new assignment right away."

Henericks backed quickly out of the office. Mr. Fogen sniffed and ran his hand over a few keys causing an employee in marketing to lose his job.

Two months later Fogen Co. released a new line of extremely fast chips just in time to meet the demand created by a new line of extremely advanced red robots designed by Bot Corp. This product sold amazingly well, making Bot Corp and its investors quite wealthy. In other news dissolving cups are selling well. People seem to consider it a fun challenge to drink their beverage before their cup dissolves.

As you can see, baby bosses were entierly successful as long as you don't work in marketing. Of course everything is entierly based on random mashings of keys and the fickle feelings of infants. But... stupider things have worked.