The Anti-Ordinary Device

Norton sat in his cubicle. He yawned. His supervisor walked by and he quickly began scrutinizing his computer monitor as if what it displayed was highly important and difficult. When his supervisor passed Norton sighed and looked around. His cubical was maddeningly drab. He needed something to liven it up. Something to keep him from going insane in this self-inflicted prison cell.

Norton opened up his drawer and examined its contents. There was a highlighter, two pens, an empty stapler, and about 300 paperclips. He had ran out of staples and had requisitioned more. However, there was a mix-up with the order and he got 300 paperclips in stead. He hated paperclips. They were so unreliable.

Norton took the highlighter from the desk and considered what to do next. He slowly removed the cap with a quiet ‘pop’ and reached out towards the wall in front of him.

“Bergsly! What in Neptune’s naval are you doing?” demanded a voice from behind Norton that sounded menacingly like his supervisor.

He swiveled in his chair and had his fears confirmed.

“Uh, I was just… highlighting a form,” Norton suggested.

“Well it looked a heck of a lot like you were drawing on the wall of your cubicle!”

“No sir,” laughed Norton nervously. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re a bone-head, that’s why! Now get back to work!”

Norton swiveled back to his computer and looked over the report he had been typing. He yawned again. For ironic amusement he went online to a search engine and typed in, “bored to insanity.”

A single result appeared. It was entitled, “The Anti-Ordinary Device.” Norton was intrigued and so he clicked on the link. A web page was brought up which included a description of the device and an order form. The description read as follows: “Are you concerned about being bored to insanity? Have no fear! Simply order your very own Anti-Ordinary Device to take to ‘T’ out of tedium.”

Norton wasn’t sure how the last bit was supposed to make sense but eventually decided that ‘edium’ must be some word that he didn’t know that meant ‘lots of fun.’ He was desperate and so he looked cautiously around for his supervisor and then quickly ordered his very own Anti-Ordinary Device.

Just then someone ‘ahem-ed’ behind him and he spun around in his chair, ready to explain himself to his supervisor. But rather than an angry slave driver he was a disheveled delivery boy.

“Mr. Bergsly?” asked the delivery boy.

“Uh…uh hu.”

The delivery boy handed him a package and a form to sign. Norton signed the form and was left alone with this unexpected package. He wondered what it was. Using a bent paperclip Norton eventually gouged open the package. He folded open the flaps of the box and looked within. What he saw first was a piece of paper that had words printed on it. The words said, “We hope you enjoy your break form the ordinary.” Beneath this paper was what appeared to be a black TV remote with two red buttons. Beneath one button was printed the word ‘Ordinary.’ Beneath the other was the word “Anti-Ordinary.”

Norton cocked his head to one side. This couldn’t possibly be the same thing he had just ordered. Delivery would take muck longer than that. But what else could this device be? He picked up the device and held it in his hand. It was quite light. He laughed quietly. “Anti-Ordinary Device?” he thought to himself. “Had he actually ordered such a thing?” He smiled and shook his head. He bust truly be bored. He laughed and casually pressed the ‘Anti-Ordinary” button.

Instantly his monitor exploded and he was sent flying backward through the wall of his cubicle. He laid dazed on the floor with the device in his hand. A group of leprechauns gathered around him to see if he was alright. He shook his head and told them that he was fine. When he stood up he smashed his head on the ceiling. He winced and held his head.

“That was strange,” he thought, “I don’t usually hit my head on the ceiling.” It was then that he realized that he was slowly growing quite large. His co-workers screamed and ran as he grew larger and larger. His size soon became detrimental to his surroundings and he laid down on his stomach as his bulging body burst through the cubicles around him.

Norton wasn’t enjoying himself at this point. He was frightened and confused by what was happening. This was completely out of the ordinary. It was then that his thoughts went to the device in his hand. He looked down at it and quickly pressed the “Ordinary” button.

Instantly he was his normal size again and sprawled on his stomach in the aisle between some undamaged cubicles.

“Bergsly!” came the unhappy voice of Norton’s supervisor. “What the spade are you doing?”Norton rolled over and looked up at his supervisor.

“I was… uh…”

“On second thought, I don’t care. Just get back to work!”

Norton rose to his feet and returned to his cubicle and sat down in his chair. He set the device down on the desk in from of him and took a deep breath. He picked up the device and made to throw it in the trash. But then he had a thought.

Norton smiled and put the device in his drawer amongst the 300 paperclips. Then he closed his eyes and hoped with all his hope that he would receive his supervisor’s name for this-year’s Christmas party gift exchange. He knew exactly what he would give.