A Tarzan Moment

Kevin was having a great day. He was standing out in a field next to a grove of trees and just enjoying the beauty of nature. The wind blew gently on his face while the sun smiled down warmly from above. He breathed deeply and sighed. Ahhhh nature.

A colourful butterfly fluttered around his waist. Kevin was having one of those Tarzan moments that we all have when we feel as though we are perfectly in tune with nature. Gently he reached out his hands to the fluttering butterfly. The butterfly did not seek to evade him so he cupped his hands around it. It settled on one of his cupped fingers and slowly moved its wings to and fro.

“Aren’t you just a beautiful little butterfly?” cooed Kevin.

“Well thank you kind sir,” replied the butterfly in a ladylike tone.

Kevin was so surprised by this that he choked on his saliva. Coughing lightly he said, “Excuse me?”

“I said thank you kind sir,” answered the little insect.

“You can talk?” gaped Kevin.

“Of course I can,” she answered. “All creatures can talk. You humans just don’t know that because you usually don’t take the time to listen. You must have very good listening skills to be able to hear me.”

Kevin smiled and nodded. He always knew that he had good listening skills despite what his wife says. He couldn’t wait to talk to her to tell her. As he thought about it, though, he realized that perhaps telling her that a butterfly thought he had good listening skills would do more damage than good for her opinion of him.

“Kind sir,” piped up the butterfly, “I actually am in great need of your assistance.”

“But of course,” replied Kevin. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh it is terrible,” she whimpered. “My dear husband has been caught in a nasty spider’s

web and is about to be killed. Please, please save him!”

Kevin was a good man and would not stand by as such injustice took place. He agreed to help the butterfly and without a moment to lose, she led him to the web where her husband was about to meet certain death. Kevin arrived and began to investigate the silver, silken threads. There he saw another butterfly hopelessly bound in webbing as a large black widow spider moved in to make the kill.

Without a moment’s pause Kevin snatched the doomed butterfly from the black widow’s gaping jaws. He then set the terrified creature on a leaf next to its wife who quickly untangled him from the clinging threads. “Oh thank you!” called the butterfly couple as they flew off happily together.

“Yeah, thanks a lot,” added a new voice sarcastically.

“Huh?” answered a startled Kevin.

“I said, thanks a lot,” said the sarcastic voice once again.

Kevin looked and saw that the voice was coming from the spiders web. He crouched down to investigate. All he saw was the spider.

“Yeah, me,” said the spider.

“You can talk too?” asked Kevin.

“And so can you,” said the spider sarcastically. “Aren’t we all just a lovely bunch of talking creatures.”

“You sure don’t have much nice to say,” Kevin commented quietly.

“Well, what do you expect? You just stole my supper. I’ve got eggs to feed you know. It’s not easy being a single parent. Why, their no-good father didn’t help one bit before he took off.”

“You’re a black widow spider,” observed Kevin thoughtfully, “don’t you like, eat your mate?”

“Listen,” said the spider, which was clearly annoyed, “the point is, you owe me supper.”

Kevin though it over. He hadn’t realized the trouble that being able to communicate with nature would cause him. If he kept this up his conscience would never be free. He’d feel horrible for squashing a fly or stepping on an anthill. How was he ever going to manage?

Just then a mosquitoe found Kevin. “Oh no,” thought Kevin.

“Feeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeee,” said the little bug in a high-pitch voice.

“Can’t we talk this through?” asked Kevin hopefully.

“Feeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeee.”

“No, listen to me. We can come to an understanding.”

“Feeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeee.”

“Is that all you say?” Kevin asked.

“Feeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeee.”

Kevin smiled.

“Feeeeeeeeed…”

SLAP!