The Truth About Motion Sensors

Kyle Irving did not like his job. He thought that his job must be among the top five most boring jobs on the planet. He was a motion sensor technician for Motion Sense Inc. Motion Sense Inc is the company that develops the motion sensors that get installed into security equipment, yard lights, automatic doors, and that sort of thing.

Now I will let you in on a little secret. These motion sensors do not work. At least, they do not work in the manner that they are supposed to. You see, motion sensing was a key area of scientific research for many years but nobody could seem to figure it out. One day a clever scientist discovered that one did not need to actually need to discover motion sensing. One only needed to be good enough at pretending that one had. And so he did just that.

What we believe to be motion sensors are actually little video cameras that are linked via satellite feed to the Motion Sense Inc control building. Here motion sensor technicians worked around the clock to continue the illusion that motion sensing is real when, in fact, it certainly is not.

Kyle Irving is one such technician. He works in the door division and busies himself every day with making sure that automatic doors from all over the world continue to function as they would were they actually driven by motion sensing equipment.

As you can imagine this is quite dull. Kyle is thankful though. He realizes that things could be worse. A friend of his works in bathroom division and is in charge of pressing buttons that will run water, shoot soap, dispense paper towels, and flush toilets. Kyle didn’t like his job, but it was better than watching people use the bathroom all day.

Besides, Kyle even found ways to amuse himself. He learned to play games with the people who used the doors he operated. Sometimes he liked to wait to activate a door until just after an overly trusting person had walked right into it and left nose and forehead smudges on the glass. Other times he would close doors just as people tried to slip through behind another person. Still other times he would leave his doors closed just enough so that a customer leaving a store with a large purchase would be unable to fit it through the doors.

Despite all of this fun Kyle did not like his job. Actually, it would be accurate to say that he hated it. And it was this accurate statement that he passed onto his boss the following morning.

"Hate you job, huh?" asked his boss. "Well, I know where you can get help. My psychologist specializes in job therapy. He’s apparently helped celebrities like the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus."

"Santa hated his job?"

"Apparently. Makes you not feel so bad for hating yours, huh?"

"So your psychologist says he treated the Easter Bunny and Santa?"

"Yup."

"Sounds like he could use a taste of his own medicine."

"Whatever, here’s his card."

"Dr. Frinkle, huh. Weird."

"Hey man, you open doors for a living as part of an incredible corporate conspiracy. So no talking bad about the doctor, okay?"

"Fine, I’ll call him."

As a result of his sessions with Dr. Frinkle, Kyle soon learned to love his job, although he still let the occasional person walk into a door that they expected to be open.