Susan, John, & Duck

"John, I think your duck hates me."

Susan sat on John’s sofa with an uncomfortable look on her face. This is because she was feeling rather uncomfortable just then. John’s duck stood perched on the arm of the sofa and glared disapprovingly at her. John stuck his head out of the doorway into the kitchen to take a quick look.

"Nonsense, Sue. He adores you. Look how close he is to you. I think he wants to cuddle."
John disappeared back into the kitchen and continued to clatter around in his effort to impress Susan with his culinary abilities.

"I don’t know," she responded uncertainly. "He seems rather ornery."

"Oh don’t be silly darling, ducks don’t have corners."

"Not cornery John… ORNERY. I think he’s unhappy that I’m here."

"Now, that, I don’t believe. You should have seen him before you got here. He was so excited. Just couldn’t stop flapping around and quacking."

"Are you sure that wasn’t him being angry with you for inviting me over?"

John laughed at the joke. The only problem was, Susan wasn’t joking. To her it really seemed as if the duck didn’t like her.

"It’s okay ducky," she cooed gently. "I just want to be your friend."

Susan reached out her hand to stroke the duck’s soft head. With a quick snap the duck chomped down on her index finger.

"Aaaiiiiieeeeeeee!" shrieked Susan in pain.

"Quuuaaaccckkk!" shrieked the duck in unison.

John rushed in from the other room.

"What’s wrong?" he asked urgently.

"That duck bit me!" Susan said in disbelief.

"Nonsense, he doesn’t bite."

The duck waddled over to John, raised its wings up towards him, and quacked a frightened little quack.

"You scared him!" accused John.

"He bit me!"

"Well you shouldn’t have been screaming like that. No wonder he bit you."

"I was screaming because he bit me!"

"Hmmm, that doesn’t sound like him. Are you feeling alright buddy?"

The duck gave a weak little quack and went limp.

Frantically John pressed his ear to the duck’s chest. He listened carefully and then sighed with relief.

"He’s only passed put," he said happily.

Then he looked accusingly at Susan.

"You terrified him!"

Susan stood silently aghast.

"I’m sorry Susan," apologized John. "I don’t think this is going to work. I’m going to have to ask you to leave."

As she got her jacket to leave, Susan was almost sure that she saw John’s duck smiling a mischievous smile.

A few minutes later Susan was walking down the cold street alone. She held her jacket tight around her. A tear rolled down her cheek. Things had been going so well between her and John. And now, it was all over thanks to that stupid duck. She sniffed.

Then a thought occurred to her. What sort of man keeps a duck as a pet? And what’s more, cares more about it than his girlfriend? John had to be some sort of foolish person Susan decided. Once she realized this she started to feel better.

Susan went on to find the man of her dreams and the two of them spent many a weekend taking part in his favorite sport… duck hunting. He was thrilled because he had never found a woman who enjoyed it as much as he did.

The End